Catsitting, catnapping



I haven’t posted in a little while because we were dealing with a rather unpleasant sewer main problem, rendering us rather homeless… so we moved back into the trailer… and then it happened in the trailer… and then we moved back home and just dealt with having to poop nomadically. Showering sporadically, and brushing our teeth in the sinks of strangers.. its been a kind of trying couple of weeks.

But now, we are HOUSE SITTING! LIKE ROYALTY! Pooping whenever, WHEREVER! Well not wherever, mostly just the same spot. But its like complete freedom. One of our coworkers is in Cuba with his family for the next 3 weeks so we are taking care of Frankie, the cat. She is mental. Right now she is trying to crawl inside CBs backpack to live forever inside.



This house is an old salt box, and its very relaxing to hang out in so far. Its very quiet in here, just crackling fire and a very low hum of the refrigerator. It makes me wonder why our house was always so loud all the time.. The floors are giving us slivers in our feet but I really like the olivey-brown colour of them. The ceilings are about 8 feet tall downstairs, and 6′ 5″ upstairs. CB has to duck through all the doorways. You would think that would be claustrophobic, but its so comfy. Like a sunny hobbit house.



I love that all the window sills are covered in sea glass and bits of driftwood and treasures.


This rocking chair is the cats favourite toy.



I dont know what this is but its very pretty.


Olive floors!





They have 2 small kids, and their toys and art supplies make the house so colourful!




Blue glass with light shining through it is lovely


Making espresso. So relaxing.



This is taken while Im doing some laundry, peeking out at the neighbors like a creep.


Mummers and buttons and seashells. Beautiful.


In April we will be moving into another house in the centre of the island. It has a nice little porch out front that will be so nice for summer barbeques. It has a FULL SIZE OVEN which is something I havent had for the last 8 or so years. Its also right beside the little farmers market which is open on saturdays in the summer. Im getting crazy depressed with winter right now so Im just eating a lot of pineapple and  fantasizing about summer bbq’s and beers and vegetables and sunshine instead of squeezing my brain up with angry winter thoughts. Bahhhhhhhh… Ill take some more pics of the new digs! ALSO I WILL HAVE CELL RECEPTION SO MOM I WILL CALL YOU.





Welcome Back Doc



Oh my. Im so excited! After being TOTALLY exactly like the girl who waited I was a girl who was waiting and NOW HES HERE!! Ah.. I feel whole again.

In other news, it’s raining..


Wyatt is suspicious of our dinner of budget brand fish fingers and custard and rye & cokes. FOR CELEBRATION Purposes! Annnd he is currently trying to barf in our room so Im just going to go toss him out the window. Its cool, we’re on the ground floor, settle down.


I havent made a blog in eons because Im busy and tired and stressed from life. I keep having dreams about the apocalypse which is generally a sign I’m uber stressed. But in this next week a million things should finally get ironed out and I can relax my balls. Ahhh.. I’ll post all of my good news when I get it, otherwise, carry on.

Hoppy East-Ear!

Ya know, like bunnies.. they have ears.


P.S I know that two of you yesterday Googled “Jonathan Brandis fart”.. I saw what you did.. Thanks.

Moovin’ on up

September 15th, 4:36 pm. I have officially, finished doing, the dishes. 2 weeks ago, I filled a bowl with all the dirty cutlery to soak.. and I just washed it today. All I can say is, thank baby jesus in heaven for rubber gloves. Gross. DON’T JUDGE ME. Anyway, it’s over now.

So far today I did 3 loads of laundry, played with the pigs, read a book, brought CB his lunch which he forgot all the way at work, had numerous high intensity dance parties with the poodles, and picked up a mom and her son who were hitch hiking. They were headed to the bakery! To buy her daughter some going away treats, as she was flying down to Hamilton at lunch. Only they couldn’t walk fast enough and weren’t going to get there in time. Who better to take them, but a wandering baker girl meandering on her way home. Excellent.

Hmmmm… should have stopped and got a couple of lamingtons for myself.. no one had to know about it. Missed my chance.

I just came back in from moving the cows! Sadly, for the last time. I strapped on the camera, thinking it was a great idea, despite my proximity to 600lb hamburgers with legs, and the encroaching rain clouds. Don’t tell CB… oops. SORRY CB! Its funny cause he got me this hilarious clear plastic contraption with 3 long tubes coming off a plastic bag that youre meant to stick your camera and arms and.. face (?) inside to take pictures in the rain.. but I cant find it, even though its probably the most conspicuous looking object ever.

Before I even got started I got both boots stuck in the mud. My genius way of getting out was to slowly lean my whole body over until I was level with the hill, and crawl out of my boots onto the grass on my belly, then pull the boots out of the mud. Off to a good start.

It’s a fair hike up the hill to the top pasture where the cows are currently mooing about. Look at the rainy grey majesty!

Finally at the top. One problem though, I can only find one cow. The smart one though! So thats good. All I had to do is open the gate, and she waltzed right on through like a good little cow.

Then began the harrowing experience of poking around the field looking for the rest of the cows. It was a bit daunting because I’m on a hill, and its covered with 6-10 foot tall patches of thick gorse. I was so afraid I was going to turn the corner and startle a cow and have it karate kick me to a lumpy dead blob and no one would find me for weeks. Even worse I’d break CB’s camera.

Luckily I found them, and they all got the idea pretty swiftly and walked through the correct gate without hoofing me in the throat. And I didn’t pee on my own pants!

To avoid going through the paddock I just let the cows into and increasing my chances of death, I decided to go through the sheep paddock. I’m afraid of them too. They are new moms, and as we all know, moms are fucking CRAZY! I don’t know if they’re going to maul me or bite me or trample me up.. mostly they just ran away from me baahing in fear.

WHICH MEANT, it got Rolly and his gang of rough sheep men all up in a tizzy and he was ready to destroy me if I came near him. So I had to awkwardly roll my tubby body over the fence by perching precariously like a board on top of it so as not to electrocute my vag on the electric wires, and tipping over the side. Like a bloody gymnast.

Shalimar was so glad I was safe. She watched me from the pig pen the whole time, probably laughing her little cat ass off.

I found the ducks hanging out getting up to no good in the orchard and yelled at them to come home. They came running back in a line, quacking for their evening snack. This photo was taken just after I throw them their chicken pellets and just before Shalimar decided my hand was a better scratching post then the wooden gate. ARGH!
I survive, another day, in farm time.

Sheep & Old Ladies

It’s nice to just be sitting here, singing little love songs to the poodles about killing them in the face with a knife while they jump all around like spastic black toupees. Relaxing. I had a big day out today.. I accidentally thought going to the Mall would be a good idea. All I wanted to do was grab a notebook for my Cheese Diary (Ill explain this, later) and a lunch bag for CB to carry his lovingly prepared meals to work. It was SUCH A FAIL! For the first time K-Mart, you really let the.. ball.. drop.. what is that phrase??  Anyway. I did buy a mystery man Lego bag for CB, which I am addicted to. Its just a foil bag and inside is a completely random lego man. Its awesome! He got a little Lego Anesthesiologist holding a little needle & x-ray. Jealous?

But, I went to six stores, and none of them had a lunch bag that didnt have the Lady Car from that Disney car movie on it. I was so angry for some reason, and made even more angry when I got to the van and the two people on other side of me, had parked about 8 inches away on either side. I had to get in the van from THE BACK DOOR, and crawl all over the mountain of camping supplies and old lunch containers. GRAHH. So then I get into the drivers seat, and start to pull out, when I realize there’s not enough room for me to actually back straight out. So, while Im thinking about this, the people who belong to the car in front of me take the opportunity of me leaving them a bit of space to start loading up their trunk! Awesome! So Im stuck, but if I wait a minute the people in front of me will move and I can get out, it’s cool. And then I notice the 150 year old woman who was shopping with me in Kmart, is now in her car, and backing slowly into me. Very, very slowly. I tried honking the horn, but it’s only for “Sometimes Honks”, and doesn’t always work. She was backing up so slowly into the side of my GIANT BILLBOARD SIZED RED VAN that I had time to roll down my window and shout at her. She hit me. And without even looking in the rear view mirror, she drove away. Off, into the sunset, to mow down some pedestrians, probably children, with speech impediments and chubby knees..without ever even knowing. Anyway, she didnt do any damage to our beautiful van, with her shiny gold BMW.

And then I get home, and the bloody ducks are down on the neighbors lawn again. So I go marching off to call them back in, through the sheep paddock. Usually, Rolly and I are cool. We’re buds. We have a thing. I feed him clovers and the odd orange, and he leaves me alone. But today he decided we would play this new game with me called “Angrily Headbutt Kara Into The Electric Fence Over and Over Again”. Pardonez-moi mon FRANCAIS, but that electric fence is even more of a fucking cunt bastard than Rolly! Jesus! I thought I was going to black out! Goddamn it hurts. It really stops your heart. So I do a bloody ninja jump over Rolly and slam the gate for some protection. Shit man. That did not go so well.  Then I take 3 steps, slip in the muddy grassy, and go sliding about 8 feet down the muddy, sheep-shit covered hill. Yayyyy Farmmmm!

So here I am, in nice, dry, shitless track pants, writing a blog. Yesterday I had a very romantic day on the farm taking these pictures, and today its sheep shit, giant spiders in the sink, and chasing the poodles around trying to get a dead mouse of of their mouths. The mall was a mistake, but I got to bring CB lunch at work today, which meant 30 minutes of giggling on the doorstep eating chicken together and playing with Lego. So.. Im sure there’s a lesson in there about taking the good with the bad, and life is crazy, and stuff like that. But my lesson is, Watch Out For Sheep and Old Bitches, They Be Crazy.

Here’s some pictures that sum up a day in the life on the farm pretty well.

I spent most of the afternoon wandering around the yard with Shalimar as my shadow. Consequently, I have a lot of pictures of her. She’s a good model, and she knows it. She is fierce.

Giant prehistoric looking Magnolia blooms. They are going to be the size of dinner plates!

These are the ducks! They look cute, and super dumb, but don’t let that fool you. On Wednesday I forgot to give them their night time snack. Thursday morning, they had sent a party of 4 duck representatives to quack at the front door demanding breakfast.

This is just some junk in the yard, but I thought it looked nice.

Shalimar striking a pose. I like this picture cause she looks kind of chubby, and it makes me want to pick her up and carry her around by her middle everywhere.

Cows. Moo..

Sunset, with a light rain. I was trying to capture how shiney it made everything, but I dont really know what Im doing with the camera yet.

Fried Chicken for dinner! It came out so crispy, and so juicy inside. Soaked the chicken pieces in the whey that was leftover from my cream cheese making. Dredged it through some flour with some cumin, paprika, salt, and pinch of baking powder. Fried it in a mix of canola and pork fat!

Stock steaming away. I chucked the chicken bones from the fried chicken into the slow cooker with some veggie scraps and let it go over night. It woke me up around 4am, this amazing smell, and in my half-asleep state I bolted out of bed thinking someone was cooking in the kitchen. A cooking bugular! Who steals your stuff and then makes you a nice breakfast before he sneaks out.

Nap Time for Puppies & Kitties

Nap Time for Puppies and Kitties

Its that time again!

The time of day when it gets real bloody cold in this house and I give up on trying to do anything! I should have chopped some wood this morning, because now its raining like a bastard, and axe wielding is not a water sport. I’m rocking double sweat pants and my winter toque. The poodles and the cat have put aside their differences for the sake of nice warm cuddly nap time beside me while I blog it up. They’re so cute I almost forget what a super pain in my dick they are.

Update on the new baby lamb: she was full out frolicking with her mom this morning. She’s a tiny wee thing and I most desperately want to take off up that hill and squeeze her cute little guts out. But it’s not allowed. I must just stand in the driveway behind a bush peeping at her through my binoculars like some common sheep creeper.

Everythings so mofo’ing adorable today!

Ive officially starting my work out routine. Mostly it involves skipping in short bursts in the driveway while the poodles watch me with a mixture of fear and fascination. And then I do laps around the house while they chase me, and every once in a while I trip over one who has stopped to smell something or poop. Then I do squats while pretending Im sitting on a giant squishy blueberry. I don’t know why, but it helps. And then I chuck tennis balls around while the poodles do a, frankly, pisspoor job at playing fetch. They just don’t seem to get it. They think the game is “prance around with a muddy ball in our mouths like every bitch is so jealous” or something, I dunno. I’m working on it. SO yeah.. getting pumped up, soon I will be covered in muscles! ALL OVER ME!

My current fitness inspiration: Marge Simpson

What a lady!


North Island Trip Episode 1: The VANtom Menace….

It’s been quite relaxing to sit in the dark and sort out the pictures from our trip. I feel like I didnt take enough!!

This is where we spent our first night on the way to Coromandel. We just parked on the side of the road and CB cooked up some dinner while I hunted for good shells on the rocky beach. The motorway is full of mentalcase curves with one side mountainside and the other side, the ocean. Its pretty fun driving, but a bit nerve wracking at night though. (I know you already know that though, Olivia!)

This was just beside where we parked our van, it was beautiful and in the early hours of the morning. I rolled out of the van and slid down the frosty hill to have a wee pee on the beach. It was so quiet during the night that I had some trouble falling asleep. It didn’t help that just as I was nodding off there was this barky little noise that my sleep-addled mind was convinced was a seal rolling around under our van. Suddenly I wondered how far up the tide would come… Was our van about to fall in the ocean? Could I seal get in the van? Could a flipper break its way through glass? CB did not appreciate me waking him up at 3am to check for seals and the level of the ocean for some reason…

Some snails snuggling together in a tidal pool.

We got into Coromandel Town in time for breakfast. We had incredibly expensive eggs and toast and then drove around checking out the town. There’s only about 150 people living there during the off season so it was a short drive. But we did find the Driving Creek Railway!

Its a little train that goes up the hill and back and was built in the 70s by a sculptor to remove clay from the hills. It was an hour ride, with a few loops and switchbacks and tunnels that have been made with decorative clay bricks. It takes you up the side of a hill and the view from the top ‘The Eye-Full Tower’ was amazing.

From the tower you could see the gorgeous hills covered in silver fern and Californian pines, the town and the mussel boat way out in the water.

The railway is also a studio for visiting artists and there’s strange clay creations peeking out of all kinds of weird places.

Sculpture garden! With sculptures instead of flowers!

And a cactus with faces!


Then we went to the place I have been most excited to go to since CB went 2 years ago.. THE WATERWORKS!!

You drive up The 309 road, and suddenly there’s a million little black boars all over the place. We threw out some trail mix and the snorted it all up. Apparently this is an attraction, a guy named Frank or something and his 81237128310297 pigs. If you drive just a little bit longer you come around a corner and find.. THE WATERWORKS!

It’s an awesome and awesomely dangerous and dangerously fun water park FUN ADVENTURE! There’s things that shoot water and are powered by water and giant flying foxes and a playyground that is made mostly of tires and old steering wheels. Super fun. I wandered around, slurping a vanilla milkshake, spraying CB with various sorts of peddle-powered water cannons, generally having a grand old time. I tucked my milkshake into my purse to go down the insanely long flying fox and nearly pee’d my shorts. There was a GIANT tire swing made out of a monster truck tire or something and CB and I took turns trying to give each other the barfs by spinning it as fast as we could.

A black and white cat followed us, having naps while we played. It followed us into the playground area and sat looking very unimpressed while we ran shrieking like six year olds. I ran around this giant human hamster wheel until I landed straight on my face. We ran on these carpet covered spinning things that were off balance and would throw you right off it once you got it going. We stumbled out an hour later, just as it started to rain, covered in mud and blood and bruises.